Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Reality Check, Please!

An open letter to Mr. Bigshot Beamer


I'm the guy you just tried to clip at the intersection of Ninth and Mill, in Tempe. I was walking westbound across Mill Ave. when you, breaking at least three traffic laws, came within inces of a vehicular homicide charge. Do you even remember who I am? Maybe I should refresh things a bit.

Here's the intersection, including the crosswalks, and I can even see the shadow of your stop sign.

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First, I'm wearing a white shirt, light blue jeans, and a backpack with huge expansive reflective stripes. Maybe if you had your headlights on, it would've been possible for me to see you, and for you to have seen me. I waited until my crosswalk was protected by red lights both to the north and south so that I could safely cross. I was most of the way to the west side of Mill Avenue, and to relative safety, when you, in your black BMW, came barreling through the stop sign without even slowing, whipping violently into a right turn through the space I was walking through. You kinda skidded to a stop, in the middle southbound trafic lane, and putting your phone down a bit, you yelled, "Hey, ass-wipe, learn to use a fucking crosswalk!" There was some more, but with the way you were going, I was pretty sure you could buy your way out of the aggravated assault charge you were woking toward, so I ran out of there. So let's tally things up now:

One: you had no headlights.
Two: you were talking on your cellphone while driving.
Three: you completely ignored the stop sign.
Four: you failed to yield to a pedestrian in a marked, signed crosswalk.
Five: your assault definitely counts as disorderly conduct, and forcing me to leave the scene for my own safety is just not cool.
Six: In the state of Arizona, covers that obscure your license plate are illegal.

So, to you, all I can ask is that you go to driver's ed, and if you fail that, you forfeit your license to drive. There's a lot more I'd like you to face, but, with just AKJ-7 from your plate, there's absolutely nothing that can be done. For the most part, I'm just really annoyed that you get to break a bunch of rules, and yell at me for doing so. I'm going to be prepared if there's a next time, I'm getting some caltrops.


  1. I live a block and a half from an elementary school. The speed limit on our street is 25mph. California prohibits use of cell phones while driving unless there is a hands-free set in operation. And yet we routinely have total f---ing morons zooming on the street at 45mph, talking on cell phones. My husband won't let me drag cement blocks out into the street for the drivers of the SUV's to navigate though. Shame.

  2. I love the idea of concrete blocks. Unlike caltrops, they wouldn't cause damage to innocent motorists' tires, but they could do damage to those who aren't driving slowly or attentively.

    Here in Albuquerque, some streets have "traffic calming devices" such as roundabouts and barricades that force traffic in certain directions. They were originally instituted to deter drive-by shootings, but a side effect has been a major decrease in accidents involving pedestrians.

  3. The only problem with the concrete blocks is the weight. I can't just throw a few into a pocket of my bag. I live around the corner from an elementary school. It's on a street with passive control devices like funky median/curb arrangements that force drivers to move around a bit.,-111.950426&sspn=0.005023,0.007242&ie=UTF8&ll=33.425335,-111.950582&spn=0.002512,0.005665&t=h&z=18


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